Trusting His Plans

The past week God has been reminding me and teaching me more about trusting his goodness.  

I've got to be honest.  I've been struggling with being here in LA over the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons; though mostly because of how much I'm missing my wonderful family back home and how much stress I'm under with my workload in SOMD.  

I've been feeling discouraged due to the fact that I'm missing out on spending Sunday afternoons with the family.  I feel like I'm putting enough pressure on myself to complete work for school and my internship that should probably be on at least three people.  I've been feeling inadequate and maybe a little bit apathetic towards myself, and in the midst of it all, I've almost completely forgotten how good God is.

It's silly that I would feel like God's been making me carry all this weight on my own, but I suppose it's something that everyone struggles with at one point or another.  Yesterday I was at a pretty low point, not understanding what God was trying to teach me.  Well, after coming upon a journal entry from a few months ago during my DTS Outreach, I finally realized he's teaching me more and more about trusting him with my life.  Here's part of that entry:

"Remember some of the awesome things that God has done in you through outreach.  Think about everything that's been done in you through your beauty.  And identity!  Leaving for outreach, you were so concerned with your size, and you always thought such ugly and untrue thoughts about yourself.  And now, look at yourself.  You aren't as concerned, and you're turning your negative thoughts into positive ones.  Remember how God promises to provide for your future.  In SOMD, Fashion Week NYC, with the family, with a future husband, in everything.  Remember how faithful God is in the big things and the small things.  Giving us enough money for outreach.  Giving our team such a unity that resembles family.  That others were blessed by it.  Seek Him always.  It'll all be okay.  Trust in Him.  Seriously.  Don't forget it.  He loves you."

I can just hear myself writing this, giving myself this little pep talk.  It makes me smile to think about all the good God did in me during my DTS.  Such a short time compared to the good God has done in my LIFE.  It reminds me to be encouraged in every trial I'm going through, because He's going to work everything out for my good.  :)  Even though some times in life may not be my favorite, or may be stressful or confusing, I trust that God's goodness is going to shine through.  And knowing that in itself makes these last few weeks worth while.  

"A light unto my path

Strength to carry on

The treasure I have found within

Is hidden in my heart"

"In The Beginning" by Bethany Dillon

My beautiful and precious family that I miss and love so much. :)

Don't Get Too Comfortable..

Happy Monday Everyone!


So, really quick I wanted to jot down a little bit about what God has been doing in me over the last few days.


On Wednesday, a friend of mine had told me about a vision that God showed her.  A vision that was actually quite discouraging at first, but I have since realized it is actually a blessing.  She saw me wrapped in chains, from head to toe, so tightly bound that I could not move an inch.  I was trying to scream and call out for help, but I had duct tape covering my mouth.  I wanted so badly to tell people about God's love and to share and teach others about what He can do for them, but the duct tape wouldn't budge.  As the picture got closer to my face, my friend saw that I actually did not have anything covering my mouth.  There was something else holding me back from sharing my faith.  She felt like I was withholding what God wanted to use me for.  Withholding words God has given me for others, and ways He wanted to use me and build me up as a leader.


Like I said, after hearing this I was pretty discouraged but then God showed me how true that is.  He puts things on my heart all the time that I feel like I'm supposed to share but because of so many different insecurities I have carried, I have trained myself to ignore them.... insecurities that God isn't talking to me, but that I'm actually making things up in my head.  Or that I will be judged by people for speaking out.  Or that I will be stepping on other leaders' toes by speaking out...  by obeying God.  Sounds like the enemy's got these lies pretty twisted up in my head, right?  Right.  That's what I realized this last week.


How comfortable have I gotten in my own skin and in my relationship with God that I haven't realized how often I'm making excuses for how He wants to use me?  And quite frankly, how often am I disobeying Him by sidestepping what He's telling me to do?  If I'm called to be in obedience to the Lord, then I haven't been fully committing myself to what God's asking of me; and that's not really a road I feel like continuing on.


So, after a gentle conviction from the Lord I've decided to overcome this habit of hearing from God and ignoring Him.  This is the first full week of God's training in me to be used as a vessel through speaking what He's telling me.  It is extremely challenging already and I am even battling with God because I don't want to seem like a fool.  But it's more foolish for me to straight-up disobey God, right?  Right.


As I am continuing to let God challenge me and as I am challenging myself, I encourage you to ask me how well I'm doing with this.  Because if I want to live wholly for God, then I had better start somewhere!  :)


I am super excited for what is to come, and I will update you more as I am continuing to grow in obedience!


Love you all!

"Is the Lord as delighted with burnt offerings and sacrifices as he would be with your obedience? To follow instructions is better than to sacrifice. To obey is better than sacrificing the fat of rams."  

1 Samuel 15:22 (GW)

Some photos from my first week back in LA :)

 Reunited with friends Carrie and Teresa at a birthday party. :)

 Playing games with kids during a youth conference held by YWAM LA on May 5th.

Spending time with some amazingly beautiful ladies who love the Lord :)

SOMD - Passion

Hi Everyone!


I've been back in LA for a little over a week, and I'm already super stoked on what God's doing through this school.  After taking care of some logistical stuff in the first few days of the past week, we jumped right into teachings beginning with a pretty in-depth study about passion.


We studied what passion constitutes of, what some of our our passions are, some of God's passions, and even how our passions may (or may not) line up with those of God.  Something I really took out of the teaching was the speaker's definition of passion, which is "something you're willing to suffer for."  That definitely spoke to me and really made me think,


"What am I willing to suffer for?"


In asking myself that question and really seeking God for his thoughts, I was pretty excited about the list that I came up with.  Several of these passions you've probably heard me going on about before, seeing as how I talked about them a lot during my time home.  But for those of you who might not know, here are a few of them so you can get an idea of what I'm excited about living for:


*Seeing women of all ages discover how beautiful, precious, and loved they are.  Watching their mindsets of themselves change over time from how the world sees them to how God sees them.


*Teaching women to trust God with their identity, beauty, boys, futures, and lives overall.


*Meeting with girls, encouraging them, and guiding them through difficult situations.


*Ministering to those who are in the entertainment and fashion industries.


*Learning about how God views me, and seeking his thoughts of me above all else.


*Playing with children and showing them God's love.


Like I said, these are just a few of the passions that God has placed in my heart over the last few years.  Passions that I have been constantly becoming more and more excited for.  Passions that have really begun to shape who I am and how God wants to use me through the rest of my life.  A woman who invests in others to bring truth.  Who fears the Lord above all else.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, 

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."  

Proverbs 31:30 (ESV)

Back in LA :)

I've arrived safely in LA!  Gearing up to start SOMD on Sunday, but first I'll be working in the coffee shop on the YWAM base for a youth conference that's happening this weekend.

Excited to see what God has for me!  He's continuing to pour in blessings that I don't deserve.  Finances are coming in, and I'm so grateful for those in support of what I'm doing here.

I love you all, and already miss everyone back home!