Fall 2012 Photos! :)

Some of Beauty Arise with Dick Van Dyke at the Laugh Factory

A Beauty Arise morning hike

Staff and students after handing out roses to women during Create Track

In Beverly Hills with my best friend Emily after driving to LA in September

And.... here we are driving :)

Beauty Arise at a premiere for some MFC friends' movie

Here we are again at the Laugh Factory, where we got to pray with some fellow audience members and comedians

YWAM LA staff members (and one student) at an event for the Children's Hunger Fund

My Birthday dinner with friends and family

So happy to have them here for a visit!

Beauty Arise Bible Studies :)

At LA Fashion Week, delegating tasks :)

Jessica and I assigning our dressers to different models

The Vibiana, where LA Fashion Week takes place

Me, before the backstage chaos began

Some YWAM LA dressers

All the YWAM LA dressers!

Okay, so I wasn't home for Halloween... but they're so cute!  So I had to post this too. :)

Photos From Fashion Week in NYC

Times Square with former and current YWAM LA Staff/Students

Trying out real New York pizza

Photo fun in Times Square

All of the former/current YWAM LA family members who helped with the outreach

NYC from the Empire State Building

Precious models in a presentation. They stand like this for over two hours. At this particular show, a model actually passed out and had to be carried off the platform.

Charlotte Ronson's show that a few of us were able to get into

A majority of us volunteers who helped in the Models For Christ Fashion Week Outreach

Relaxing outside of the main tent

Some other precious models in the presentation mentioned above

The "fashion" cards we passed out to several people to let them know about Models For Christ and where to go for free snacks and prayer.

Eve, Carrie, and myself waiting for the Charlotte Ronson show to begin

Getting some dinner at Whole Foods after a day of outreach

Me on top of the Empire State Building

Jess, myself, and Eve waiting for a show to begin

Buildings seen from inside of Central Park

The Freedom Tower at Ground Zero on September 11th.  So amazing to be there on 9/11 to pray for families who lost loved ones.

After getting cupcakes from the famous Magnolia Bakery

Central Park

Watched this in church today. So encouraging! :)

1st Beauty & Identity Teaching Accomplished! :)

As you may have read in my last post, I've had a few pretty crazy weeks.  We've had a lot to get done before Infusion started, and now it's here!  A tiny part of me thought that once Infusion started, things might be a little bit more relaxed; but our schedule is definitely full!  I've been so grateful for a few hours off today to recoup and get a homework assignment done, and now I'm feeling much less stressed out.


Yesterday I was one of three lucky ladies to get to speak on Beauty & Identity to our Infusion ladies.  There were about thirty of us in the teaching, talking truth to each other about how beautiful God's designed us and decorating mirrors for ourselves with lots and lots of sparkles.  It was the first time I've ever spoken to a collective group of women about Beauty and Identity, and it was so much fun.  I was so nervous, but I had so many friends here in LA and family back home in Idaho praying for me during my teaching time that I knew I'd be okay.  And I was.  :)


I'll share a little bit with you about what I spoke on, because as I was putting together the teaching I learned a lot.  Funny story actually.  I was only going to share my testimony during my speaking time, but a few days prior when I sat down to write it out, there was a ton of other stuff on my heart to teach on.  It was definitely God, because a lot of what I wrote down were things that had been so far from my mind beforehand.


My goal was to paint a picture for these women of how much God desires for them to know the truth about themselves.  About how God wants to say something to us about our beauty and identity every single day.  That beauty is a huge part of a woman's identity, just because that's how God has designed us.  And most importantly that our identities are lined in the truth that God says about us.  


With that said, I talked about how crucial it is for us as females to talk with each other about our struggles with identity, beauty, insecurity, etc.  Because we must be interdependent to overcome lies, and we must have accountability with each other to grow in God's word and in God's truth.  And that praying for each other in hard times is such a need, because sometimes the only thing that can break off the enemy's strongholds against us.


Also, if finding identity lies in seeking God's truth, than we must read what's known to be the Book of Truth... the Bible! :)  God has so much to speak to us about how precious and irreplaceable we are in the Bible.  About how unique and beautiful He's made us on the outside, and the traits He's given us in our personalities.  And how He desires for us to continue to seek Him to become more beautiful on the inside, and to put effort in becoming Proverbs 31 women.


Continuously seeking Him and diligently going after His truth will reveal so much to us about our beauty and identity.  It's unlikely that we will know how truly beautiful and wonderful we are as women without spending time reading the Word, praying, or simply sitting in a quiet room with God.  This is what will feed our souls, and help us to discern the truth that God says about us versus what a Cosmo magazine says about us.


I encourage all of you ladies out there (and men, too :)) to keep on keeping on!  Read your Bibles even if only for a few minutes.  Pray every morning while you're on your way to work.  Give time to God.  It's so rewarding, and something all of us should be doing more.  Seriously, I'm saying this to myself probably more than I am to you.  


I love you all, and hope you've enjoyed a wonderful weekend!!


-Nan :)

Your identity lies in the truth God says about you.

Busy and Messy :)

I'll be honest, this post is probably going to seem a bit hurried, short, and messy; and that’s because it is.  I'm writing just before dinner, while grinding coffee to take on a camping trip tomorrow, and also preparing a teaching on Beauty & Identity I'll be sharing with Infusion ladies on Saturday.  It’s been a busy weekend.  J

The last week has been quite fun as we’re gearing up for Infusion (a "mini DTS" of sorts for youth ages 13 to 17), taking care of all the logistics and making shopping trips and all kinds of things.  In the business, quiet time with God has been super refreshing and I've been reminded of the importance of making time every day to do that.  At times it’s been a bit of a test to remember to make time for God in the last week, but it's been really good.

Updating you on my last post, God's also been working in me more and more to remember to live each day to its fullest.  Let me tell you, the amount of stress I've been feeling towards the future and my workload has diminished exceedingly.  It's been awesome, and I'm loving how much happier and excited I am for each individual day and what I get to accomplish in that time.  

God's also been showing me how to have a little more patience.  I'm the baby in my family, so that's something I've always needed extra time spent on. :)  Working with so many different people from so many different cultures, backgrounds, etc. has really stretched me to have patience and understanding before becoming upset or antsy in a given situation. 

Just a little bit of what God has been teaching me in the last week, and I wish I could update you more.  I hope you have an amazing week, and I love you all! 

Waiting For Now

Sometimes I forget to live in the moment.

I’m so focused all the time on my “next step” or what is going to happen in the months and years to come, that I forget about the days I’m living right now.  Sometimes an entire day will go by and I’ll realize that I wasn’t fully living that day out.  I can spend hours a day thinking about how my life will look after SOMD, YWAM, marriage, etc.  And in this I’m missing out on what God wants to do in me right now. 

I’ve noticed that especially in the last few months, I feel like I’ve been in a waiting room.  Like I’m just waiting each day out until finally I get to move on to the next thing.  I’m sitting in a room, twiddling my thumbs, anticipating when it’ll finally be my turn to see the doctor.  All the while thinking about all the other things I should be doing at the time. 

Waiting for what God has to show me as my next step doesn’t mean that I have to push the “pause” button on my life now.  I didn’t realize how often I do this until I recently listened to a sermon that discussed the entire subject of waiting.  In summary, the message conveyed that if God has put you into a waiting period… then you’d better be using your time wisely.  How you spend every moment of every day matters.  Whether watching TV or Facebook Stalking; reading the Bible or investing in people’s lives. 

The things that your days are consumed with are the things that will matter most to you in life.  So if I’m sitting around all day worrying about where God wants to send me after SOMD or how I’m going to get the finances to do so, then those things will matter most to me.  Then I’ll be stuck in a state of worry and anxiety until God reveals his plans to me.  This will most likely become a pattern throughout my life, distracting me from what I should be focusing on. 

What I want to be focusing on are the things that will matter the most in this life, like growth in my relationship with God and with others.  Without growth in my relationship with God, I’ll end up living a life where I’m unsure about what God’s truth is.  I’ll be consumed with what the world sees as truth instead of seeking God for his thoughts.

Playing the waiting game isn’t very fun, though sometimes it’s necessary.  But that doesn’t mean I have to miss out on opportunities with God, with friends, family, etc. in the process.  Because God wants to do something in me every single day, and for each moment I spend thinking about “what’s next” I run the risk of missing out on what that might be.  So no more for me!  I’m just going to have to trust God that He’ll show me His plans for me in His perfect timing.  Just like it’s supposed to be. 

Love you all and hope you have an amazing 4th of July!

Gaining Confidence & Security in Christ

I’m learning a lot lately about standing up for myself; and about believing in the confidence that God has given me. 

I’m learning what it looks like to stand up for myself, making sure that I’m being honest, genuine, and real to who I am; but in also remaining respectful to the thoughts and opinions of others.  Learning how to live without conforming myself to the way that others behave or live their lives.  While healthily living out my life in a way that pleases God over man.

I’m a people-pleaser.  I like to make people happy, and I hate it when I feel like I’ve let people down.  And sometimes that can be a good thing, but sometimes it’s not so helpful to me.  In looking back over the last five years of my life, I’ve spent a decent amount of time conforming my own beliefs, opinions, and behaviors to match those of others.  Simply as an act of avoiding conflict and tension, in hopes of being accepted by people.  I haven’t conformed to dumb things, like drinking or doing drugs.  But more like conforming by changing the ways I act with each group of people I’m with.  Or by saying or doing something that a person wants me to do, or is manipulating me to do, so they’ll get off my back.

This last week I had a challenging, awkward (and also terrifying) opportunity to stand up for myself in my relationship with God.   I was faced with a situation where I was being told to do something by a leader-type figure that I didn’t feel okay about doing in my heart.  It wasn’t something I would be comfortable doing; it wasn’t something that’s even in my character to do if I were in a room by myself.  And it wasn’t something that I needed to do for God to love and accept me.

It was a super weird situation, as I’ve never really “held my ground” to a person before; but I realized I had two options.  I could just do what the leader was telling me to do just to please him and avoid tension, even though it felt forced, fake, and dishonest in my heart.  Or I could stand up for myself and do what I felt God was leading me to do, remaining honest and genuine in the way I handled the situation, but in-turn creating a lot of tension. 

Despite my phobia of conflict and tension, I chose the latter.  And though it felt awful at the time (I ended up crying and ran out of the room afterwards) I’m so glad I did it.  Because a year ago, I wouldn’t have known even where to begin in standing up for myself.  I didn’t have the confidence in myself that I was doing the right thing, and I would’ve spent days questioning whether or not it was my place to stick to my beliefs.  And I didn’t have the faith in God that he was urging my heart to do what was best for me. 

But realizing this has really made me excited.  Because for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have the confidence to speak out what I believe in.  And I finally have the confidence and the trust in God that what I feel He’s pushing me to do is the right thing.  The thing He wants me to do.  It’s made me so encouraged, because a year ago I would have conformed to whatever this person’s views were.  Just so I wouldn’t have to be in conflict or tension.  But today I will stick up for myself and fight for what God wants for me.  I’ll fight to be a woman of nobility, trust, and wisdom in the Lord.

Cost Of The Call

The past week God has been reminding me of the call he's placed on my life, and what that looks like.  What it means in my day-to-day life.  What it means in fully surrendering my life to Him, that things might not always be easy but will always be worth it.  How it looks for me to fulfill the call he's placed in my life.


Honestly, it's been really hard for me the last week to think about the few obvious callings God has called me to in life.  Those obvious callings including being a wife and a mom, ministering to those in the entertainment and fashion industries, and teaching girls about their beauty and identity in Christ.


It's been hard because the last week I've truly felt afraid and under-qualified to even attempt to follow through in those things.  Especially to minister to those in the entertainment and fashion industries.  Because I've felt like I don't necessarily have the confidence or the ability to "measure up" to how beautiful or how poised or how well-spoken models, actresses, and others in the industries seem to be.


Tuesday evening of last week was a huge stretch.  I had my very first opportunity to attend Models For Christ, a ministry for Christians in the fashion and entertainment industries that I hope to work with more this fall.  I was so excited.  Literally, it was my first free Tuesday evening from classes in SOMD and I'd thought about it from the moment I woke up that morning.  I couldn't wait to share God's love and encourage the people I would get to encounter that evening.


But once I got there, all of my hopes to share with these models, actresses, fashion designers, etc. were gone.  With every beautiful model who walked into the room, I felt more and more inferior.  And more and more insecure.  And I actually ended up feeling the crummiest I think I've ever felt towards myself.  The longer I was there, the more lies the enemy fed me.  And the more lies the enemy fed me, the more I started to believe them.  And it was some pretty preposterous stuff.  I began to believe lies about absurd things, including that I could never be as beautiful, as successful, as fun/lively, or as knowledgeable in the Bible as the women in the room.  Or that I'd never be desirable to any men in the room, because I wasn't as beautiful as the other women. 


Let me tell you... this was not fun.  Arriving with such excitement and anticipation to be able to encourage and build up my brothers and sisters in the industry, only to end up being completely torn down and defeated myself.  Without first even being able to speak life to any of them.  I left feeling like I'd failed myself, the friend I'd gone to Models For Christ with, and God.  I was so angry at myself for letting the enemy feed me such bogus stuff that is so far from the truth that God says about me.  It was quite discouraging.


But through some amazing words of wisdom from a couple of friends who are very dear to me, God showed me what a blessing this pain I'd felt actually was.  I had the opportunity to experience some pretty terrible feelings about myself that probably all of the women at Models For Christ deal with on a daily basis; whether at a photo shoot or a casting call, they're picked apart piece-by-piece all the time.  In fact, they're fed lies about themselves not only by the enemy but also by coworkers, agents, managers, directors, photographers, and all kinds of people they might run into in their line of work.  It's one thing to have negative thoughts running through your head, but negative comments spoken out loud reach an entirely different level of destruction. 


So now, not only can I be extremely thankful to God that I've only experienced these crazy-intense and negative thoughts about myself once... but in knowing the lies that the enemy fed me that night, I now have more of an idea of how to pray and intercede for those in the fashion and entertainment industries on a daily basis.  Because I now have a more-detailed idea of the lies that these men and women face, I am even more excited and passionate to continue in pursuing God's call on my life.  This experience reminded me that following God isn't promised to be easy, but it's worth it.  No doubt about that.  

"Jesus didn't die to make your life comfortable, but to make it dangerous.  

Let Jesus come off the cross and into your life."  

- Darrow Miller

Recent Photos

3/14 of Team Chile! :)

 Girls' Night with fellow students at the Americana in Glendale

From the "Beauty Arise" Breakfast

The ladies who put together the breakfast :)  Love them.

 Fubi and I after celebrating her birthday! :)

 Elyse and I wearing paper mustaches.

The girls at dinner celebrating Fubi's birthday. :)

SOMD - Winkie Pratney

"If you want to know the state of a nation, study its entertainment.  It's the one thing people do not need to live 

but will still always pay money for." 

- Winkie Pratney

Last week we had a speaker in school named Winkie Pratney.  This guy is a crazy-intelligent chemist from Australia.  Seriously, the amount of knowledge he has is insane.  He's worked in youth ministry for over fifty years, and has gained so much wisdom in doing so.  The quote above from Winkie is only one of the many things I took from his lectures, but I feel that it's definitely impacted me.


That statement is so sad, but so accurate.  Entertainment is the ONE THING people don't need to LIVE, but will ALWAYS pay money for.  How many times have I seen, even in my own social circle, that people will spend loads of money on movie tickets and then complain about how they can't afford food?  Or can't afford to pay rent?  Two things that are necessary to live--to survive!  


People are becoming more and more willing to put their lives and the lives of their families on the line in order to see the next blockbuster or to buy iTunes' next top album.  Something that won't last or provide any type of nourishment.  Something that definitely will not matter to them later in life.   Something that will be forgotten by the entire nation within a matter of days.  Why do we do it??  Why do we buy into what our culture tells us?  


We're told that we need to pick up a People Magazine to ensure we know exactly how many times Angelina Jolie sneezed yesterday... so we can be up-to-date in our knowledge of pop-culture.  So we won't look or feel stupid for not knowing details in conversation.  Don't get me wrong; I love a good People Magazine from time-to-time.  In fact, People Magazine's website used to be my homepage on my web browser.  It affects me loads, just as I expect it affects other people a ton.  Whether they're aware of it or not.


All of this brainstorming stirs up my passion even more for seeing the entertainment and fashion industries change.  Seriously, I can barely sit still I'm getting so worked up over it.  Because if the entertainment and fashion industries begin to shift, then the state of our nation will shift.  And then the state of our world will shift.  And lives will be changed, and people will be set free from depression and eating disorders and comparison and insecurity and all kinds of strongholds.  And the enemy will be put to rest once and for all.  Because we already know we win.  We're confident of it.  Our precious God has already promised it.  


God's so awesome and I'm so excited to be a part of changing the entertainment and fashion industries for His good.  Whether I'm physically out on the streets ministering to models, actors, and musicians today or not, I know that my prayers are making a difference in the hearts and lives of people in the industry everywhere.  Because God's placed this passion and this desire in my heart for a reason and if I see it through, He's going to see it through as well.  


Love you guys, and hope your Monday is wonderful! 
Nan

Keeping Calm and Carrying On..

I mentioned in last week's blog that I've had a difficult time being here the last couple of weeks because of my SOMD workload and how much I miss my precious family.  I touched a little bit on my family, but I didn't talk too much about my SOMD workload.  In the last two weeks I've been super stressed out with the different things I've needed to get done.  And in the midst of it all, God's really been teaching me to ask for His strength, as opposed to relying on my strength to get things done.  


I was able to teach on identity yesterday morning at church, and I talked a little bit about the fall of man.  We all know the story.  It's in Genesis 3, where Adam and Eve are convinced that they should eat some fruit off the forbidden tree (which we all know was the worst idea ever).  And once they've eaten the fruit, they suddenly know all of this evil that they were never intended to know.  They were no longer innocent to the ways of the enemy.  And all of a sudden man became self-reliant as opposed to God-reliant.  Well, sharing this in church yesterday got me thinking... 


What would happen if we were to act as though the fall of man never took place?  As if we couldn't do anything on our own; we had no other choice but to rely on God.  What if there was no other option, like God meant for it to be?


We wouldn't worry about the amount of things we needed to get done in the day, because we wouldn't know how to worry.  We wouldn't be nervous about whether or not we did well giving a sermon, because we wouldn't know that doing bad was even an option.  We wouldn't compare ourselves to other people, because we wouldn't know what it meant to compare.  I could go on and on, but you get the picture.  It's the perfect world, just as God meant for it to be.


Thinking about this really has me wondering what would happen if, to some extent, I began to act as if the fall never happened.  As though I'm not capable of doing anything on my own.  That I HAVE to rely on God for all of the stresses and hardships I encounter.  Just the way God intended.  Because let's be honest, we all can do things on our own for a season; but at some point it's going to overtake us.  It's going to leave us without any energy or strength to carry on.  And the only way we're going to get back up and carry on is by the strength of God.


So I've decided to take these thoughts on as a challenge, because I've experienced the difference between relying on my strength and relying on God's strength.  And the latter is definitely more life-giving, more encouraging, and wiser than the former.  I'm going to try this out to see if it makes any difference in the way I think about or act upon the various things God's placed in my life.  To really see how well I rely on God's strength as opposed to my own.  


I'll test this and try to remember to let you know how it goes, but feel free to give it a go yourself.  Love you guys and hope you enjoyed your weekend. :)

"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."

- 1 Chronicles 16:11 (NIV)

Trusting His Plans

The past week God has been reminding me and teaching me more about trusting his goodness.  

I've got to be honest.  I've been struggling with being here in LA over the last couple of weeks for a number of reasons; though mostly because of how much I'm missing my wonderful family back home and how much stress I'm under with my workload in SOMD.  

I've been feeling discouraged due to the fact that I'm missing out on spending Sunday afternoons with the family.  I feel like I'm putting enough pressure on myself to complete work for school and my internship that should probably be on at least three people.  I've been feeling inadequate and maybe a little bit apathetic towards myself, and in the midst of it all, I've almost completely forgotten how good God is.

It's silly that I would feel like God's been making me carry all this weight on my own, but I suppose it's something that everyone struggles with at one point or another.  Yesterday I was at a pretty low point, not understanding what God was trying to teach me.  Well, after coming upon a journal entry from a few months ago during my DTS Outreach, I finally realized he's teaching me more and more about trusting him with my life.  Here's part of that entry:

"Remember some of the awesome things that God has done in you through outreach.  Think about everything that's been done in you through your beauty.  And identity!  Leaving for outreach, you were so concerned with your size, and you always thought such ugly and untrue thoughts about yourself.  And now, look at yourself.  You aren't as concerned, and you're turning your negative thoughts into positive ones.  Remember how God promises to provide for your future.  In SOMD, Fashion Week NYC, with the family, with a future husband, in everything.  Remember how faithful God is in the big things and the small things.  Giving us enough money for outreach.  Giving our team such a unity that resembles family.  That others were blessed by it.  Seek Him always.  It'll all be okay.  Trust in Him.  Seriously.  Don't forget it.  He loves you."

I can just hear myself writing this, giving myself this little pep talk.  It makes me smile to think about all the good God did in me during my DTS.  Such a short time compared to the good God has done in my LIFE.  It reminds me to be encouraged in every trial I'm going through, because He's going to work everything out for my good.  :)  Even though some times in life may not be my favorite, or may be stressful or confusing, I trust that God's goodness is going to shine through.  And knowing that in itself makes these last few weeks worth while.  

"A light unto my path

Strength to carry on

The treasure I have found within

Is hidden in my heart"

"In The Beginning" by Bethany Dillon

My beautiful and precious family that I miss and love so much. :)

Don't Get Too Comfortable..

Happy Monday Everyone!


So, really quick I wanted to jot down a little bit about what God has been doing in me over the last few days.


On Wednesday, a friend of mine had told me about a vision that God showed her.  A vision that was actually quite discouraging at first, but I have since realized it is actually a blessing.  She saw me wrapped in chains, from head to toe, so tightly bound that I could not move an inch.  I was trying to scream and call out for help, but I had duct tape covering my mouth.  I wanted so badly to tell people about God's love and to share and teach others about what He can do for them, but the duct tape wouldn't budge.  As the picture got closer to my face, my friend saw that I actually did not have anything covering my mouth.  There was something else holding me back from sharing my faith.  She felt like I was withholding what God wanted to use me for.  Withholding words God has given me for others, and ways He wanted to use me and build me up as a leader.


Like I said, after hearing this I was pretty discouraged but then God showed me how true that is.  He puts things on my heart all the time that I feel like I'm supposed to share but because of so many different insecurities I have carried, I have trained myself to ignore them.... insecurities that God isn't talking to me, but that I'm actually making things up in my head.  Or that I will be judged by people for speaking out.  Or that I will be stepping on other leaders' toes by speaking out...  by obeying God.  Sounds like the enemy's got these lies pretty twisted up in my head, right?  Right.  That's what I realized this last week.


How comfortable have I gotten in my own skin and in my relationship with God that I haven't realized how often I'm making excuses for how He wants to use me?  And quite frankly, how often am I disobeying Him by sidestepping what He's telling me to do?  If I'm called to be in obedience to the Lord, then I haven't been fully committing myself to what God's asking of me; and that's not really a road I feel like continuing on.


So, after a gentle conviction from the Lord I've decided to overcome this habit of hearing from God and ignoring Him.  This is the first full week of God's training in me to be used as a vessel through speaking what He's telling me.  It is extremely challenging already and I am even battling with God because I don't want to seem like a fool.  But it's more foolish for me to straight-up disobey God, right?  Right.


As I am continuing to let God challenge me and as I am challenging myself, I encourage you to ask me how well I'm doing with this.  Because if I want to live wholly for God, then I had better start somewhere!  :)


I am super excited for what is to come, and I will update you more as I am continuing to grow in obedience!


Love you all!

"Is the Lord as delighted with burnt offerings and sacrifices as he would be with your obedience? To follow instructions is better than to sacrifice. To obey is better than sacrificing the fat of rams."  

1 Samuel 15:22 (GW)

Some photos from my first week back in LA :)

 Reunited with friends Carrie and Teresa at a birthday party. :)

 Playing games with kids during a youth conference held by YWAM LA on May 5th.

Spending time with some amazingly beautiful ladies who love the Lord :)