So, really quick I wanted to jot down a little bit about what God has been doing in me over the last few days.
On Wednesday, a friend of mine had told me about a vision that God showed her. A vision that was actually quite discouraging at first, but I have since realized it is actually a blessing. She saw me wrapped in chains, from head to toe, so tightly bound that I could not move an inch. I was trying to scream and call out for help, but I had duct tape covering my mouth. I wanted so badly to tell people about God's love and to share and teach others about what He can do for them, but the duct tape wouldn't budge. As the picture got closer to my face, my friend saw that I actually did not have anything covering my mouth. There was something else holding me back from sharing my faith. She felt like I was withholding what God wanted to use me for. Withholding words God has given me for others, and ways He wanted to use me and build me up as a leader.
Like I said, after hearing this I was pretty discouraged but then God showed me how true that is. He puts things on my heart all the time that I feel like I'm supposed to share but because of so many different insecurities I have carried, I have trained myself to ignore them.... insecurities that God isn't talking to me, but that I'm actually making things up in my head. Or that I will be judged by people for speaking out. Or that I will be stepping on other leaders' toes by speaking out... by obeying God. Sounds like the enemy's got these lies pretty twisted up in my head, right? Right. That's what I realized this last week.
How comfortable have I gotten in my own skin and in my relationship with God that I haven't realized how often I'm making excuses for how He wants to use me? And quite frankly, how often am I disobeying Him by sidestepping what He's telling me to do? If I'm called to be in obedience to the Lord, then I haven't been fully committing myself to what God's asking of me; and that's not really a road I feel like continuing on.
So, after a gentle conviction from the Lord I've decided to overcome this habit of hearing from God and ignoring Him. This is the first full week of God's training in me to be used as a vessel through speaking what He's telling me. It is extremely challenging already and I am even battling with God because I don't want to seem like a fool. But it's more foolish for me to straight-up disobey God, right? Right.
As I am continuing to let God challenge me and as I am challenging myself, I encourage you to ask me how well I'm doing with this. Because if I want to live wholly for God, then I had better start somewhere! :)
I am super excited for what is to come, and I will update you more as I am continuing to grow in obedience!
Love you all!
"Is the Lord as delighted with burnt offerings and sacrifices as he would be with your obedience? To follow instructions is better than to sacrifice. To obey is better than sacrificing the fat of rams."
1 Samuel 15:22 (GW)
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